On a morning show, some time ago, I enjoyed an interview with the cutest little couple celebrating their 75th wedding anniversary. As they sat on the sofa holding hands, someone asked them what the secret was to their 75 year romance and without hesitation, the little lady spoke up and said…. “I always let him have my way!” There is some truth to that, Happy wife… happy life, but there is so much more that goes into the glue that holds two people together through the rigors of life for 75 years.
Love never gives up
Love cares more for others than for self
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have
Love doesn’t strut
Doesn’t have a swelled head
Doesn’t force itself on others
Isn’t always “me first”
Doesn’t fly off the handle
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others
Doesn’t revel when others grovel
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth
Puts up with anything
Trusts God always
Always looks for the best
Never looks back
Buts keeps going to the end..
Love never dies!
I Cor. 13 The Message
God IS love! (I John 4)
The God kind of love is the super glue for successful marriages. Those words, in I Corinthians are spoken at wedding after wedding (in King James English, of course) but there are some who never grasp the true meaning and few there are who do grasp it and have the opportunity to live it out for 50 or 75 years. The US Government Bureau of Vital Statistics records that about 5% of all married couples in the United States ever celebrate a 50th wedding anniversary and the number that get to celebrate a 75th wedding anniversary is so small that it’s almost immeasurable. Just think of it, a 75th wedding anniversary celebration is a very rare occurrence!
So we are blessed to be a part of such an uncommon celebration with uncommonly special people. Mom and Dad, Congratulations! You are amazing! You have lived your lives well! Now, I’m not saying it was easy or perfect. Heaven knows when you put two strong willed people together (notice I didn’t say bull headed or stubborn) there are bound to be some serious “gee-haw” moments. There is no doubt that Mom allowed Dad to have her way plenty of times … and I am also sure, knowing my Dad, that he had his share of “I told you so” moments along the way. But no matter the ups and downs, the high and lows, the gees and haws, the Super Glue of love has held tight all these many wonderful years.
The Love Story of Frank and Frances:
As told by an inside observer
In God’s cosmic universe where everything is measured in light years, 75 years is no more than a blip on the time clock, but on planet earth, where God chose to plant humanity, it’s a life time. It’s a lifetime authored and fashioned by God, Himself. We, both willing and unwilling participants (depending on our stubborn wills) , are often surprised to look back and see His finger prints all through our pasts but God is faithful even when we are not! He has a plan for each of us and He had a plan for Frank and Frances! And when they finally met in 1941, He wasn’t surprised! He knew what was to come and I am sure He was smiling!
It all began on June 2, 1941 in Birmingham, Alabama. Frances ( the heroine of our story) , a Sulligent girl, was living and working in Birmingham and she lived in a boarding house with a friend, Ralph Jackson, who was also from Sulligent. On June 2nd there was a special dance at Boutwell Auditorium where Guy Lombardo was playing that night and Ralph wanted to go. He invited Frances to join him for the evening and she accepted. Another young man had come to the dance, as well, Frank (the hero in the story). Now, Ralph and Frank worked together and were friends so when they all met at the dance, Ralph made the introductions. And as Guy Lombardo was playing in the background, Cupid’s arrows hit their mark! As Frances later recorded… “It was love at first sight”! Frank had met his sharp angel!
From the outset, their courtship was fraught with difficulties. Both Frances and Frank were working and on top of that, Frank was going to school at Samford University. For 9 months, they struggled to date around shift schedules and classes until it got to be too much for Frank and he began to fall asleep in class. His professor finally told him… “something had to go… the job, school or Frances”! But you know the old saying, “love conquers all” so they decided, instead of getting rid of anything, to just get married. Problem solved!
Not so fast! You see, in an attempt to make life easier for themselves, they ended up trading one set of problems for another! They learned very quickly that you don’t just marry a person, you marry INTO the whole family! And so…their families got involved… Strong Southern Baptists vs. Devout Roman Catholics and never the twain shall meet! No one but Frances and Frank were happy about their plans to get married! Frances’ family, all Southern Baptists, were worried about her marrying a Catholic (especially because they thought all Catholics had dozens of kids) and Frank’s family, Roman Catholics, were not at all happy that he was marrying a non-Catholic regardless of her denomination! (They believed that no marriage but a Catholic one was the real deal!) It would have been so much easier for everyone if someone had just explained to them that God is non-denominational! But there was no satisfying everyone, whatever they decided to do, someone was not going to be happy!
Undaunted by the difficulties, our two brave lovers took the bull by the horns, so to speak, and on March 14, 1942 at Pike Avenue Baptist Church in Birmingham, Alabama they had their wedding. Sadly, Frances’ dad had passed away at Christmas, but her mother came by train to be there with them. Her brother James had just been drafted and was on the way to Fort. McClellan and the rest of her brothers and sister couldn’t be there either. Her friend Ralph and his new wife, Lorraine, were there and for them both, and Frank’s older brother, Edmond and his wife Helen were there. Reverend Theo Harris did the honors and in a simple ceremony with no flowers, the two of them were married. The crowd may have been small and the wedding simple, but most importantly, God was there blessing that marriage! “A man shall leave his father and his mother and shall cleave to his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Amen. It should be noted that no ill will was wanted by anyone and so sometime later, their marriage was blessed by a Catholic priest. Now, all was as well as could be expected.
They had a one night honeymoon at the Bankhead Hotel. Frances recalls sitting in the window of the room a good portion of the night looking out the window at the beautiful view… needless to say there was nervousness all around! But the two of them look back on that evening with a warm smile and fond memories! (Just a side note: the total cost for their honeymoon was $5.00)
The happy couple began married life with, to quote Frances,” not even a nickel in their jeans pockets” but they had big dreams in their hearts. They spent the first couple of months living with Frances’ aunt Madge and Uncle Harp. They were given the front bedroom in the house and Frank and Frances never closed the door for fear that the family might think they were up to something… but, at last, they found a little apartment near West End in Birmingham and then, later, moved into an apartment on 22nd St. and Highland Avenue.
World War II was in full force now and most of the men had gone off to war. Frances worked for Salmon and Cowan, a mining engineering firm and Mr. Cowan was head of the draft board. He believed that having mining engineers in the US was more important than sending them off to war so, since Frank was studying Mining Engineering, he hadn’t been drafted. However, as more and more of the young men Frank knew were enlisting or being drafted, he felt he needed to enlist as well. Frances mentioned it to her boss, Mr. Cowan, and in a few days Frank had his 1-A notice and he was drafted. He was off to Ft. McClellan for training before being shipped overseas. Frances went with another couple to Fort McClellan for a one night visit before Frank was shipped out. The 4 of them shared a room at a motel that night and in the morning they said their last good-byes for a two year separation.
At home, Frances went to work for Ream Manufacturing, a company that made 88mm gun shells and she continued to live in Birmingham. James, her brother, lived with her for a year and then her youngest sister, Peggy lived with her and went to West End High School for a year. Her dear friend Flossie Leonard who worked at Ream with her was like a sister to her during that two years as well . She wrote Frank faithfully and I am sure, spent a lot of time on her knees in prayer.
Frank, was fighting in the European Theater and he eventually ended up in the Battle of the Bulge, where, in the middle of the snowy, bitter cold winter , his feet froze and that ended his duration at the front! He was taken to a Military Hospital in England where he spent months recuperating. He, too, was a faithful letter writer and the two stayed in as close a touch as was possible for the times. The blessing was that he got to keep his feet and they worked just fine! I have no doubt that the prayers of Frances and both families, was the perfect healing agent! And after two years of army life, Frank was finally on his way home in May of 1946. Can you imagine the reunion of these two love birds after two years of being apart? I am sure it was glorious!!!
Frank had been promised a job when he returned and he went to work for Republic Steel in their mining division. They bought a lovely little home at 1121 40th St. West in Birmingham and began to raise a family. In 1947 the “Hell-like” baby arrived, Sandra Flo, and according to all accounts, the nurse who put the beads on her bracelet was actually a prophet. Sandra screamed and cried almost non-stop for the first 6 months of her life. Most couples would have thrown in the towel, but not these to love birds. Next, came Frank Waldrop and now they were fast out-growing their little bungalow and so they moved into a lovely home on 210 St. Charles Street in Edgewood, where William Dempsey was born and then, in 1955 Thomas Michael made his debut. Now, with some dismay that so many little Hillekes were arriving, the Southern Baptist faction of the family was more convinced than ever that it was true that Roman Catholics had dozens of babies. It was with some relief to all that Tommy was actually the last of the Hilleke brood for Frank and Frances… 4 was a good round number! And the 6 of them lived happily (with a few bumps and bruises along the way) at 210 St. Charles Street until the fledglings, one by one, began to fly out of the nest.
Raising 4 kids must have been challenging, word has it that very few do it and remain sane. But Frances and Frank (perhaps even unknown to themselves) had the wisdom to do it well. It is often said that the best gift a dad can give his children it to love their mother but I will take liberties with that and say… the best gift parents can give their children is to love God and to love each other! And love each other, they did! I am sure, like all married couples, they had their rough patches, but to the kids… they were always a united front! They were the source and cause of all 4 children having that very serious “drug” problem. They were drug to church when the doors were opened, drug to visit family, drug on family outings, drug to Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts and the list goes on… Between ballet lessons and baseball games, the craziness of visits to the emergency room and other “kid” issues that crop up every day, the family was busy and thriving…organized chaos! Frances and Frank were working, Frank took time to study and pass his professional engineering test ( which is no easy feat), they were raising a family and still, they had time to sing love songs (and other tunes as well) harmonizing in the kitchen, driving in the car and even with other friends like Betty and Dick King. There is an allegory there about harmony in the chaos of life!
On two separate occasions, Frank had to leave Frances and the 4 kids at home for extended work-related trips. How Frances managed to ride herd on 4 kids alone for all that time was definitely a miracle. Only God could have helped with that! I can only imagine the amount of prayer that went up from 210 St. Charles Street! The first trip was between 1959 and 1960 when he went to Liberia, Africa for three months (give or take a few weeks). He was helping open coal mines in this young Republic under President Tubman. He returned bearing amazing things besides pictures and stories. There were ebony figures, a hand carved set of ivory elephants , beautiful fabrics, for Sandra, the most amazing rock collection ever but the most astounding gift was pigmy hippos that were donated to the Birmingham zoo! The next trip several years later was to Union Town, PA for 4 months. This one entailed an amazing adventure! Frances, our fearless heroine, was again literally keeping the home fires burning, it was winter! At Christmas, it was decided that Frances would load up all 4 kids and drive, ALONE, almost 900 miles to Union Town to meet Frank and they would drive home stopping in Washington, DC so the kids could see the capitol city. What could go wrong? They left early one morning and about two hours into the trip, the kids began to say “I think I have seen this place before” … it soon became evident as they passed more and more familiar places, Frances, in horror, realized she had taken a wrong turn and they were heading back to Birmingham! If she cried, no one knew it, all the kids were enjoying the adventure… playing games, counting cows, singing … no one can forget “The Lion Sleeps Tonight”… it was repeated and repeated and repeated! Poor Frances! But that strong willed spirit of hers put her back in the right direction and she actually did make it to Union Town and they all made it home for Christmas!
Every year that passed, they made sure to celebrate their love story by going out to Joes’s Ranch House for dinner and dancing. They would dress to the 9s and leave the kids behind for a romantic night where there were no interruptions ( no one yelling, “Mom” or “Dad” or the phone ringing or stopping squabbles or doing homework )… just Guy Lombardo, their memories and a lovely, peaceful evening!
In 1967 they achieved their first marriage mile stone, their silver wedding anniversary, 25 years of marriage! Besides, a celebratory evening at Joes Ranch House, there was a celebration with all the family. A Silver wedding anniversary is, especially in today’s world, a remarkable feat, in itself! But the story continues…
Frances began to sell real estate with Caffee Realty in Birmingham and out of that, they found and moved into a beautiful home on Tara Lane Drive in Hoover. Bill and Tommy went with them, Bill was already at Auburn but Tommy finished his schooling at Hoover High School before going to Auburn, himself. The nest was empty, so to speak! And there was more time for fun… Frances took up bowling for a while and then… the Ping Pong matches began. Frank and Frances, two strong willed competitors butting heads (not literally, of course) over the ping pong table at night after work… the matches were often serious and life threatening! It would be no exaggeration to say they both walked away from one such match, one sporting a black eye and the other a fat lip! But despite the vicious nature of their ping pong competition, when the game was over, they would hug and make up and love reigned supreme!
Frank’s work took a surprising twist and even though it was hard (a bit heart breaking for them both, to leave family, friends and Frances’ work behind) the two of them pulled up roots and moved to Northport, Alabama where they started all over again finding a church, making friends and building a new life. It was obvious that God was in the move because, He brought them into a wonderful, loving community and they flourished. Frank worked a few more years for Republic Steel and then retired and went to work at the University of Alabama ( I like to say he temporarily went over to the dark side but others in this family would disagree)He worked with the students in the Mining Engineering department. With kids gone, they both had plenty time to enjoy life. They got involved in lots of church and community activities such as Frank painting houses with the young people at church and Frances being a part of Meals on Wheels. They took up golf, which was a passion for Frank (his biggest goal was always to be able to shoot his age… of course, the older he got, the better the chances were that he would succeed…). Mom took up golf, as well, and she also got back into bridge playing with her new girlfriends, another serious competitive sport.
Just before their 33rd anniversary, a storm of seismic proportions hit the family. It was a storm that rocked the world for all of them. Frances was just getting out of the hospital from major surgery when the call came that Tommy had been killed in an automobile accident. It was the worst possible agony that anyone could suffer… to lose a child! Storms like this have been known to break up families and leave complete devastation in their wake. But Frank and Frances held the family tight and with the support and love of their dearest friends and all of the family, they were able to steer everyone through the roughest waters into the calm. Still with aching hearts, they all found that they had grown closer, everyone was quicker to say “I love you” and to be sure to never take each other for granted. There was a thankfulness that God had been with them through it all and had been their strength and would still be with them as they all moved forward! “
“Therefore, whosoever hears these sayings of mine and does them I will liken him unto a wise man which built his house upon a rock. And the rain descended and the floods came and the winds blew and beat upon that house and it fell not for it was founded upon a rock.” Matt. 7:24-25
Life seemed to gather steam again as the grandchildren made their appearance in the world. The List: Not by age, but by family…. Wendy and Dusty, Leasha, Ginger , and Pepper, Tommy and Katie. Beach trips and wonderful noisy Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations kept everyone close and the love seemed to multiply as the grandkids came along, grew up and then started families of their own. Frank and Frances continued to hold forth as the family Patriarchs and they kept knitting the family together as new members arrived. Wendy and Robert had Andrew and Will, Leasha and Paul had Jacob, Claire and Paige, Ginger and Kevin had Vance, Alex and Grey, Pepper and Jeff had Laney, Forrest and Olivia, Tommy and Polly had Kellly, Daniel, Dax and Bodie, and Katie and Scott had Helen and Morgan.
How do you count the blessings? The seeds of love sown so many years ago were still producing fruit! Not just in progeny, but in the marriages of their children, Sandra and Bill, Frank and Sheila, and Bill and Denise had now celebrated 25th anniversaries and were pressing toward the mark of 50 years together, themselves. That is the testimony of Love sown! Today, even some of their grandchildren are close to celebrating 25th anniversaries. (Just an interesting note here: This year, 2017… Frances and Frank are celebrating their 75th anniversary, their daughter Sandra and her husband Bill will be celebrating their 50th anniversary and their granddaugter, Wendy and her husband Robert will be celebrating their 25th anniversary! 3 milestones in one family in the same year… what are the odds?) Quite a remarkable achievement! And the recipe still holds…. Love of God and love of each other!
(Three oldest daughters, Mother, Daughter, Granddaughter celebrating 75th, 50th and 25th anniversaries in 2017)
In 1992, Frances and Frank celebrated their 50th anniversary and they entered the rare and heady 5% of marriages that ever get to celebrate that auspicious day. Of course, there was a big celebration with lots of family and friends. They made a splash at St. Marks as the entire congregation celebrated with them and, well, it should have been celebrated!
Some people look at 50 years as the winding down time in their lives but not Frances and Frank. Young at heart and still full of fun, they had much more living to do. Still busy at church and working in civic activities, playing golf and bridge, they just put one foot in front of the other and kept going. They began to check things off their bucket list, for example, with Frank and Sheila and Sandy and Bill in tow for several of their adventures, there was the trip to Jackson Hole Wyoming, a dream of Franks. The dare devil couple (in their 80s) went horseback riding, rafting down the rapids on Snake River and buffalo, elk and bear hunting (with cameras, of course). Then there was the trip to Niagra Falls and the Finger Lake Wineries and back to Sandy and Bill’s house in Pennsylvania . There were lots of fine wines tasted along the way but in the end everyone agreed that Frank’s homemade brew was by far the best! Fortunately, Frank had brought along a bottle or two from his own winery and everyone partook gratuitously of the same! One could say… a good time was had by all!
They say age is just a number and Frank and Frances have demonstrated that to us all. The secret to staying young is in your attitude not in the latitude of your birthdays. Keeping a young mind and heart and fanning the flames of love between them has kept them, in a sense, ageless. True, the effects of gravity have taken a toll and body parts don’t work as well as they used to, and infirmities have tried to get them down, but with sharp minds and stubborn determination, this Ever Ready couple keeps going and going and going…
When I come home for long visits, one of the most precious times of the day for me with them is watching them as they head for bed. They stop in the hallway and (in a scary moment…) they let go of their walkers and cling to each other for a sweet minute, they kiss good night and wish each other sweet dreams. The practical part of me is going “Woowoowoowoo… don’t fall”! But my heart is full and sometimes a tear sneaks out of my eyes… thinking how fiercely proud I am of my parents and about that lovely, loving couple that has blessed so many of us across the years and for generations to come. Love of God and Love of each other ..that is the love that never fails!
Thank you, Frank and Frances, Dad and Mom, Mother Frances and Daddy Frank, Pances and Paco… for the gift you have given us all! We will take your love for us where ever we go and we will always love you to the moon and back and into eternity!
And the Story Continues because Love never dies….
Ferret of Faith 